The No-Gotiator:  How to Get a Toddler to Compromise

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2015-05-30 12.25.19

Quinn “the no-gotiator” refusing to leaving Sesame Place

Imagine if someone was holding your precious little girl captive and refused to release her. Would you panic, grow frantic and do whatever it takes to get your child back? This is a position I am occasionally in when my two year old is in full-fledged “no” mode. I want to plead with her, “Please, bring back my sweet little girl who eagerly does what mommy says!” Sometimes, the “no’s” start as soon as she wakes up. She calls out for me, “Mommy, Mommy, Momma, Mom!?” I come in her room to comfort and pick her up, and she hurriedly goes to the other end of her crib, shaking her head no, with a smirk on her face, when I try to pick her up. It turns into a production for as Quinn continues to challenge me with her emphatic “No’s,” as I cajole her to put on her clothes for the day, to have breakfast, sit on the potty, you name it! Through my ongoing battles with my little “no-gotiator,” I have began to compile different methods that actually work, more times than not, and figured I share them with other parents and guardians who are struggling with toddlers whose favorite word is “No! These tips are in “no” special order:

1. Give your little “no-gotiator” the impression that she has a choice. For instance, my toddler is getting more and more picky when it comes to food and what she wants to wear, so I will often select two outfits I want her to wear then ask her which one she wants. She’s very happy when she gets to wear what she picks out.

2. Appeal to her emotions. Though this one does not work as frequently as I would like, it is a good way to get her to develop a sense of empathy. Those times when she yells out no, simply ignores me or refuses to do what I am asking, such as putting away her toys after playing with them, I will tell her how happy it makes me when she follows directions and that I like it when she listens. I will usually put on my sad face so that she can see that I am clearly disappointed that she is not doing what she was told to do.

3. Positive Reinforcement. I make sure to, not overly praise but acknowledge when she listens and does not put up a fuss the first time I ask her to do something. For example, Quinn has a Dora the Explorer electric toothbrush she loves using. She loves it so much that she will say, “no” and run away when it is time to stop brushing her teeth. Whenever she hands over the toothbrush willingly, I let her know that I like how she follows directions.

4. Make the Connection Between Actions and Consequences. I’ve learned that I can’t be all talk and no action. If my little girl keeps saying no, such as refusing to leave a park or play area, I will give her a warning, countdown and then simply deal with her tantrum as I carry her off explaining that she must listen. Usually, there is no appealing to her emotions when it gets to this stage, but I do not want her to think she can get her way by simply saying, “no!”

5. Realize that your “no-gotiator” may be more persistent than you think, and consider if the battle is worth it. Getting my little girl to try new healthy foods is becoming a struggle. Just the other day, she cried hysterically and refused to eat her veggie pasta. There was no negotiating with her. She would not eat even one bite: even after offering her a special treat if she did. Having her sit at the table and cry hysterically beyond a half hour did not help either of us, but after she calmed down, I did appeal to her emotions in hopes that she will try something new in the future.

When all else fails, try to relax. As Daniel Tiger says, “When you’re feeling mad, and you want to roar, take a deep breath, and count to four!”

All the best,

Tanya

P.S. Another tip is that nothing works 100 percent of the time, and I’ve learned not to beat myself up too much when my little “no-gotiator” is unwilling to compromise. If you have any other tips, please feel free to share.

Everybody Needs Friends: Even Toddlers

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2015-06-11 14.50.55

Quinn with Her Friends

My daughter just loves having her picture taken with all of her “friends” sitting on the steps together. After everyone is perfectly arranged, she says, “Picture please! Picture with friends please!” I chuckle to myself and eagerly grab the camera to honor her request, especially now that she occasionally gets persnickety when I want to take her picture. Actually, she is not having her picture taken with actual people but her stuffed animals and dolls who she refers to as friends. Though my two year old does not go to daycare to interact on a regular basis with children her age, in observing her at The Little Gym during our weekly mommy and child session, she is often friendly and will say hello to the other children without me asking her to do so. She also loves spending time with her eight year old cousin and will ask just about every morning if she will see her today. When we go to the park, her smile widens as she sees other children, and she will wave at them excitedly. We do occasional have play dates so that she can have friends beyond her stuffed animals, but I would love to find more ways to give Quinn the opportunity to interact with other children since she may not be in day school until she is three. Having a child has conjured up my own childhood memories; I recall longing to make friends through most of my childhood and how there were times that I felt alone even in a classroom. I know she is only two and still getting to know the world and herself, but I want to do everything in my power to make sure she has friends. Having friends can provide comfort and a support system among many other benefits. We all need them: even toddlers!

All the best,

Tanya

One, Two, Three: Red Light! Green Light! Teaching My Toddler Traffic Rules

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Quinn Excited to Take Her Car for a Drive

Quinn Excited to Take Her Car for a Drive

 “Mommy, the light’s green. We go!” is what my two year old daughter excitedly informs me of as we patiently wait  at the crosswalk to continue on with our morning stroller jog. I’m amazed at how she has made the association with green meaning go and red meaning stop a few months ago, shortly before her second birthday. I started taking Quinn on stroller jogs and brisk walks when she was a little under a month old, and there is a phrase I say whenever we get to an intersection and are about to cross the street, “Look both ways, and listen for cars before we cross the street.” If we are walking down the street, I will utter the same phrase in hopes that she will retain it as she gets older and follows it when she is not in my presence.

Now that she’s getting older and bolder and willing to take even more risks, it pleases me to know that she does comprehend the importance of following some traffic rules as a pedestrian. Though I must occasionally admonish her for sneaking down the steps or scurrying up the street after I asked her to wait, I cannot help but smile when she says, “Look both ways Mommy!” “We wait. The light’s red,” or ” I hold mommy’s hand. Now, we cross the street.” For me, this is a perfect example of how children model the behaviors of adults, so I must be extra vigilant in following the traffic rules myself. Presently, Quinn’s car seat is still rear-facing, but I have a feeling that I will have a back seat driver really soon letting me know when the light is green yelling out, “The light’s green! We go now Mommy!”

All the best,

Tanya

A Happy Day for a Toddler and Her Daddy

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Quinn and Her Daddy

Quinn and Her Daddy

 “My daddy’s gone!” is what my two year old daughter frantically exclaims whenever he leaves the room, goes to work or just is not in her presence. She just loves following him everywhere. That phrase, “My daddy’s gone” and the way Quinn says it, as though he is missing and possibly gone forever, makes me feel so grateful and blessed that she has such a strong bond with her father and loves spending time with him. It warms my heart to have her request  that we meet him at the train station when he gets off work in her Little Tikes car or trike. While today may be Father’s Day, Quinn already understands the significance of showing her daddy how much she loves him year round. Here’s to my awesome husband who is a wonderful father to our daughter and to all of the dads celebrating fatherhood on this special day. 

All the best,

Tanya

Telling Time with a Toddler

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Quinn Playing with the Clock at the Park

Quinn Playing with the Clock at the Park

How would you like it if you were somewhere having the time of your life and thoroughly enjoying yourself to have someone come and tell you without warning, “That’s it! It’s time to go!” I’m sure would not be happy and may even be a bit irritated that you are being told that you have to leave when you are having such a good time, and it never was established what time you would have to leave. I never gave this much thought until one day when my two year-old daughter and I were at the park, and I turned to her and said, “Okay, honey it’s time to go.” Her response, understandably, was to whine and cry, shouting, “No! We stay at park!.” Realizing that I did not give her a warning, I felt bad and decided to give in allowing her to stay a little longer. Then an idea, which should have been obvious, came to me: why not let her know in advance when we will be leaving? There are some studies I have come across that state toddlers may not understand the concept of time, but from my observation with my daughter, I would say some do. Since Quinn was one, she’s always had a fascination with clocks and watches and will point them out when she sees them. My husband and I even got her a watch for her second birthday as one of her gifts. No, she cannot tell time yet, but she does know how to count, so I will set my stopwatch and let her know when we have fifteen minutes remaining, and when we get to ten minutes, we will count down together, and she will repeat after me, “Seven minutes Mommy!” Counting down has been working like a charm; the crying and tantrums have been cut down drastically. We use it at the park, in her playroom when we are in the store so that she is more patient when I am shopping (This is great because it forces me to get in and out and not dilly-dally too much myself), and anywhere else or with anything else where a countdown can be beneficial to help the transition from one activity to the next go smoothly. Now, Quinn will even initiate the countdown and say, “Mommy, I play with iPad for five more minutes please.” While I am sure this is used in childcare centers and day schools, sometimes parents do not implement these simple techniques in the home because it just never occurred to them. If you have a toddler or child who gets upset when it is time to leave, when it is time for an activity he or she is enjoying to end or even time for an activity to begin, such as nap time or bed time, give this a try! It is not 100 proof, but it most certainly works more often than not.

All the best,

Tanya

It’s a Real Zoo Out There! Fun Activities for Toddlers

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Quinn and the Lion

Quinn and the Lion

My little two year old has always been fascinated with animals. She loves to mimic their sounds and look at pictures of them, so of course one of her favorite outings is going to the zoo. What a wonderful way for her to learn and even develop her vocabulary by telling me what she sees and for me to engage her even further by asking questions and telling her what I see too. Since the weather has been nice, we’ve been able to take advantage of our membership to the Philadelphia Zoo and visit once and sometimes twice a week for the past few months. While one may think going to the zoo this frequently would become boring, it does not because it just one more way for me to not only bond with my little girl but to observe how much she has learned and grown. I am amazed at how she is able to retain the names of the animals and some of the little facts we have learned along the way. For instance, initially she said, “I see turtle,” but when I explained that he was a tortoise, the next time we went to the zoo, she said, “I see tortoise.” She knows the difference between a lion and a tiger, but thought a cheetah was a tiger until I gave her the name of the animal and discussed how one has stripes and the other has spots. Now she gets excited and points out the cheetah. I just love how she greets each animal bellowing out, “Hello Lion!” or “Hello Sheep!” Sometimes it’s as though they have been waiting for her because the lion or polar bear will be resting or sleep, but after she says hello, they will come closer to where she is standing. If you haven’t taken your child to the zoo as yet, I highly recommend it. A wonderful adventure awaits!

All the best,

Tanya

Little Girl, Little Girl, What Do You See? A Beginner Book Just for You!

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Brown BearThough my daughter is only two, I am so pleased that she loves reading and flipping through the pages of books. I get so excited when I come across children’s books that not only teach my little girl a skill but that she looks forward to reading. One of the books I have been reading to her since she was just a couple of days old is the classic Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? (Slide and Find) by Bill Martin and illustrated by Eric Carle  which is a wonderful book that grows with the child. Initially, Quinn would just follow along with her eyes as I read to her and gradually began doing the slide and find to reveal what colorful animal is next to see. By the time she was a year and a half, she was able to identify all of the animals, and before her second birthday she started associating the color with the animal. (Observing her do this has been so rewarding because grasping the concept of colors is no easy task, as I stated in my previous post: 50 Shades: The Complexities of Learning Colors Toddler Style) I can appreciate that all of the animals are not typical colors, such as the purple cat and blue horse as this stimulates my daughter’s imagination. If you are looking for a book to teach your child about colors, animals, patterns and more, definitely consider picking this one off the shelf.

All the best,

Tanya

Cooking Up Some Teachable Moments with My Little Girl

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Quinn Sorting Bowls

Quinn Sorting Bowls

I thoroughly enjoy cooking and baking, and it warms my heart that I am able to involve my two year old daughter in the process, even if it is just sitting and watching me or her banging a measuring cup on the table. The other day, when I was preparing breakfast, I observed Quinn identifying and then sorting the bowls not only by their colors but their sizes. I just love how there are so many opportunities to learn all around us. Sometimes, I take for granted all of the “common” knowledge I possess until my two year old reminds me that it once was not “common.” What a blessing it is to learn through her eyes. I look forward to witnessing all that she has cooking up for me in the days, weeks, months and years to come!

All the best,

Tanya

P is for Playground: Learning from a Toddler’s Perspective

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P is for Playground

P is for Playground

What child does not like to go to the playground? It’s a great place to run, jump, play and have fun, but it’s so much more than that. The playground is a place for children to explore, learn something new and even reinforce what they have already learned. Not too long ago, my two year old daughter and I were at the park, and she pointed to an area on the jungle Gym, and said, “P!” It took me a few seconds to realize that she was pointing to what appeared to be the letter “P,” and I thought to myself, ” How observant is she!” While my little girl knows all of her letters and enjoys pointing them out throughout the course of the day, this was the first time she pointed to an object that resembled a letter and identified it as such. Though I cannot physically see the synapses firing in her brain as she makes these connections, I just love watching her mind at work as she makes sense of the world and realizes that the opportunity to learn is all around her.

All the best,

Tanya

Here’s to Another Happy Mommyversary!

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Mommy and Daughter

Quinn and Me: Ready for Mother’s Day Brunch at the Please Touch Museum (2015)

As cliché as the saying goes, “There truly is something special about being a mom.” Though my little girl just turned two last week, this is my third year celebrating being a mother, and I feel so blessed to have her in my life. She constantly inspires me and is the reason I started this blog. As I continue on my journey taking baby steps into motherhood, I am bewildered at times because I know I have so far to go and so much to learn. Regardless of the emotions ranging from anxiety, happiness, frustration and joy, the views thus far have been breathtaking and often leave me in awe.

Being a mother has allowed me to have an even greater appreciation for my own mother, grandmothers, family and friends who are mothers, co-workers who are mothers, and even people who are mother-like figures to those without mothers, etc. People often remark that it is one of the toughest jobs that you will ever love and would not trade it for anything in the world. I wholeheartedly agree and hope that my little girl enjoys being my daughter as much as I enjoy being her mother.  Here’s to all of the mothers celebrating another mommyversary!

All the best,

Tanya